Relapse

Did you know that the Balinese language does not have a word for "art"? According to my professor, the word for "art" is the same word they use for "life". In the Bali, art is interlaced into everyday life that there is no distincion between the two concepts. It may take a lot of time and effort to accomplish anything, but life is lived beautifully.

Art is a huge part of life. Here's something I realized over the weekend about my 365 Days of Art - when you showcase your art, you are showcasing yourself, and there are times when you don't want to because it hurts or it is too personal, but I made a commitment to create art and share it. This is my outlet. This is my growth. This is my chance to inspire or empower someone else.

Last weekend, I had a relapse. Everything I have done to cure my broken heart seems to have unraveled and I found myself at a very familiar point. I was trying to brush off the fact that last weekend was the same weekend last year when my exboyfriend visited me. I told myself how irrelevant this date is to my life now. I reminded myself that I'm doing better. Yet, this inkling persisted and I had the hardest time absorbing what's to come. In the same weekend last year, when we shared a beautiful visit together, he was on island, this year, for a job.

The next 24-hours was a complete blur. When I got the news, I got angry. I was hurt. I couldn't understand why I didn't deserve a warning from him or in wishful thinking, an invitation to meet up, bury the past and carry on with friendship, like we talked about. Angry e-mails and hopeless phone calls were made, but in the end I decided to just let it go. I went to have a drink to collect myself and there he was. And in what seems like a second, he was gone for the airport.

I may have gotten what I wanted - my moment to speak from the heart, and hopefully, gain my old friend back. One of the worst things about a breakup is sometimes, you lose a great friend in the process. And what I miss the most, is my friend, not my lover.

I may still be in a state of shock. In such a short period of time, that was a whole lot to take in. I confronted the inevitable, but it seems that the inevitable has still found a way to surprise me. So now, I'm just taking a moment to absorb everything and hope for the best.

DAY 52 - February 21, 2010
TITLE: Hurts Undid
MEDIUM: Pencil

"Hurts Undid" is the anagram of my X's name. Imagine that. Now I just hope that the hurt may actually have been undone in my bittersweet trip down memory lane.

To find humor in a somewhat painful moment

DAY 53 - February 22, 2010
TITLE: CasaNELLA
MEDIUM: Marker

It's official. I must have been a horrible womanizer in my past lifetime. Maybe, Casanova. It's the only explanation I have as to why I have a horrible love life. It's karma saying, "here's what it's like to be a woman whose heart was broken by a man".

Now, I am going to take a deep breathe and carry on...